Introducing the world’s first Cheesecurdburger*

Last week as I was working away at my day job I had a spark of inspiration: instead of cheese why not cheese curds on a cheeseburger? Thus tonight’s experiment was put into motion.

I have successfully created a Cheesecurdburger and it is awesome. I am going to let you all know how to do it RIGHT NOW.

Things you will need:

  • Deep fryer
  • Hamburger
  • Bacon
  • Onions
  • Jalapeños (deli style work great)
  • Thousand Island Dressing
  • Sesame seed burger buns
  • Cheddar Cheese Curds
  • Milk, flour, baking powder and salt
  • Potatoes

This process will go by rather quickly as I am going to omit how to make a lot of this stuff; if you don’t know how to make a burger just go watch porn or something.

Prep your stuff; cut your onions for rings, cut your fries for frying, mold your burgers for burger and ready your bacon for baconing. Turn your deep fryer on to the setting you like.

The batter for a great cheese curd is as follows:

  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 2/3 cup milk
  • 3/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt

(Don’t omit the salt if you want that State Fair taste for your cheese curds.)

Mix those together and dump your curds in, coating them completely. Fry those babies until golden. Once done fry your fries.

Next drop some olive oil in a medium hot pan and cook up your onions rings. We prefer ours a little blackened for flavor.

Bacon your bacon. We like ours between chewy and crisp; enough to know we bit into it but chewy enough to savor.

Toss your burgers in a pan or on a grill and cook until done.

Nothing else and no other spices are needed.

Now comes the fun of putting this thing together. Here is how I stack this thing:

Put a good amount of thousand island dressing on both sides of your bun. Just enough to cover and leave a thin layer above the absorption of the bread. Next put some of your onions on the bottom bun, followed by two strips of bacon. Get some of those sliced jalapeños and place them on top. Now add your cheese curds, making sure to crush them a bit to make them lay flat. Add your burger on top, place the top bun, and mash down to mold the whole thing together.

Put some fries on the plate.

You end up with this:

Doesn't it look pretty?

Doesn't it look pretty?

Cheese curdy goodness

Cheese curdy goodness

And it tastes awesome. It is such a unique taste compared to a regular cheeseburger.

Next? Adding chili. Because why should I live to see 40?

*I’m sure someone somewhere has created something like this but I never heard about this kind of burger before in my life. You’d think coming from California to Oregon and settling in the Twin Cities along with visiting just about everywhere in-between I’d have hit this somewhere but I haven’t. So I am claiming inventor status until proven otherwise. If proven otherwise I reserve the right to claim “Dude who made it better” status because once you taste this thing you’ll wonder how you lived without eating one.

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Podcast #12: Every time you hear a bell a zombie takes a soul to hell

Spider & Metal Mistress bring you damn near three hours of eargasms. What’s Spider’s rules for riding in his car? Just how much can a person hate Michele Bachmann? What would happen if murder were made legal for a day?

Find out the answers to these ponderables and more by listening to the marathon podcast!

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Chelsea Handler masturbates too much

Saw a promo for Chelsea Handler’s new TV show on NBC tonight. It’s based on her book “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea”.

According to the promo, and what I’ve read online in preview reviews, Handler wrote and produced this new show. She also stars in it. This is where I start getting confused.

The part of Handler is being played by Laura Prepon, “Hot Donna” from “That 70′s Show”. Handler herself plays Handler’s sister, who makes jokes at “Handler’s” expense with what are the best lines of the show (obviously). So she wrote herself the best lines on a show predicated on her own book based on her own life while playing her sister while talking/taking jabs to herself?

Yeah, Chelsea Handler masturbates too much and really needs to put the mirror down while doing it.

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Podcast #11: A Peacock Ruffles Some Feathers

Joe Peacock joins Spider in the return episode to talk sports not counting for anything, Fark, politics, and just about anything else they feel like ranting about.

And Willie Nelson still sucks.

Joe Peacock

Joe Peacock

People:

Spider - Host (Twitter)

Joe Peacock - Guest (Twitter)

Greetings From Minnesota - Podcast Account (Twitter)

Places:

Joe Peacock (Web Site)

Art of Akira (Web Site)

Advertising:

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