A good portion of you know that near the end of October I had a massive hard drive crash. As such I just got back to putting my iTunes library together. I decided to take advantage of Apple’s “Purchased” section of the iTunes Store and re-download all of my previously purchased music, especially since there is no more DRM on ANY song from the itunes Store. Figured it would be worth it to get new 256kbps versions without DRM.

Boy was I wrong.

I now have 100+ songs with DRM, even ones that I paid to upgrade to iTunes Plus. As well there are some that just don’t make sense on whether they have DRM or not (nevermind that NONE of them should have DRM since Apple killed it in January 2009).

Bears are protecting this music

As you can see, Stephen Colbert’s “Another Christmas Song” is DRM-protected and 128kbps. Or is it…

All the bears have been shipped to circuses

Same exact song except the second one is 256kbps and DRM-free. All because it was from a different album and a different year. Yet if you look at the purchase date? Yep, same damned day, one minute apart.

It gets weirder. How about this:

Nice to meet you...

The last real GNR song done. Awesome cover too. Lovin’ the DRM-freeness of it, especially since when I bought it it had DRM.

...guess you figured out my name, eh?

Yup, same album and one track is DRM riddled while the other is DRM-free. This makes no sense. At all. Ever.

Now for the real boggle that puts seashells to shame.

The REAL Ray

Anybody who doesn’t like Ray Charles is dead to me. DEAD!

So, besides DRM, what’s my problem with this one?

Double-tap!

I paid for the damned upgrade! I have paid for this song twice now and Apple wants me to pay once more to upgrade yet again.

And no, I shouldn’t have to pay for iTunes Match to get these songs DRM-free. I have around half of the effected songs iTunes Plus upgraded as it is but they now have DRM again. I have songs I never Plused that are now DRM free.

As stated above I still don’t think any of these should have DRM at all as Apple told us, in 2009, that there is no more DRM on any song from the iTunes Store and yet, here I am, with a load of DRM. Some will accuse me of trying to get upgraded music for free to which I say, “I could just pirate it”. If I really wanted higher quality music for free I could steal it, but I am going through correct channels here.

Another issue? At least half of the songs I’ve purchased since the iTunes Store came into our lives are not on the “Purchased” list, so if I want those again I have to purchase them, again.

Apple: figure out your DRM crap. Is it truly gone or are you keeping backups of DRM riddled songs just for shits and giggles? I feel like I am in the middle of a bait and switch here.

This is just one (albeit a very good) reason to lament the loss of Taste of Minnesota.

Nothing like some money hungry assholes who buy a Twin Cities tradition, raise the price of admission so high that no one has enough money left to buy the food once they are in, and bring in acts that no one wants to see.

The Zombies? That crowd was HUGE. Enormous. People loved them.

Such a sad state.

This is also my first test post from Flickr, since they’ve finally figured out how to do posting to a self-hosted WordPress blog. Not too bad, but not great. I will play with it more in the months to come and get it all purdy.

Video games, the medium that is making people rape people and kill each other, has just won a Grammy.

Too bad the music is six years old. It’s also too bad that the Grammys really just don’t pay attention to the awesome music that comes from video games.

The link below will take you to Kotaku for the full story.

Hopefully. They changed their link structure recently, and it sucks.

Video Games Finally Won A Grammy.

I’ve never spent the time to learn how to play an instrument. I used to know how to play the Saxophone, a little piano, and some guitar but nothing substantial. One of those “later” things.

Later isn’t here yet, but GarageBand from Apple is.

Therefore, here is the first piece of shit I ever made in GarageBand. No one outside of my child has ever heard this. Figure I might as well put up something embarrassing on here.

If you want to hear some of my better stuff (all created within Garageband) click the links below. Mine are the ones with the spider tattoo on skin, not the other person on there.

Fear of the Flesh

Pyramid Radio Blues

Those should take you to the exact singles I put up. Mostly used it to test out a delivery system to iTunes for clients of mine, but some people have actually bought these. (I’m sorry.) One person said they wanted to use “Fear of the Flesh” in a movie they were making, but I never heard anything else about it.

Who can forget the scene in Reservoir Dogs where Stuck In The Middle With You by Steeler’s Wheel plays while Mr. Blonde tortures Marvin? That scene changed the feeling of that song for many people, forever.

But what happens when a song is used to great effect but that song isn’t what you think it is? More often than not thanks to the power of editing a filmmaker can chop up a song and make it fit the story they are telling.

The following five songs have all been in movies since they were released in one form or another. Some more than others, and in the case of Elvis pretty much just once that matters, but they have all been taken as being something they are not; songs that are meant to uplift, songs that are meant to be cheery or goofy, songs that are meant to be campy. Their lyrics, however, tell a different story…..

Jailhouse Rock by Elvis Presley

Elvis, long considered the “King of Rock n Roll”, was huge. There is no denying that. He was also considered the epitome of macho, a man’s man.

So why did Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller write a song that had homosexual overtones, and why did Elvis record it?

In the long storied history of the United States there have been many penal systems. Up until the end of the Revolutionary War prisons were mixed gender, which then gave way to male only prisons and women’s reformatories. Mixed gender prisons would not come back into effect until later in the 20th century. During the time of Jailhouse Rock prisons that housed males were male only, while women had their own prisons.

Why then are the lyrics in the song as follows:

Number forty-seven said to number three
“You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see”
“I sure would be delighted with your company”

Even in the film of the same name #47 and #3 are depicted as males. There was a slightly big uproar about this at the time of release of the film, yet it seems to have gone to the wayside. (Not that that is a bad thing, mind you.) Back in that era being homosexual was almost as bad as being non-white, yet here was “The King” singing a song about two male jailbirds nesting together. Add that with him “sounding Negro” and singing “Negro music” one is surprised the bigots didn’t burn the whole damned country down.

The actual portion of the song:

Kind of a Drag by The Buckinghams

One of the most endearing pop songs to ever come out it is also one of the more upbeat sounding songs of earlier rock and roll.

When heard it would seem like just any another break-up song where the singer is pining over a love gone wrong and lost. When used in movies (this one is kind of a rarity in movie soundtracks) the song tends to be used right after the break-up, showing a montage of how horrible and lonely the male is without the female.

Again, the lyrics betray a different tone to the song. The way the song is sung is that the lead singer sings the forlorn parts while the backup singers are rambling off thoughts in the man’s mind. When the song is played in a movie it is edited and usually used quickly; some of the musical arrangement and a portion of the easy to remember chorus.

Listen closely to what the background singers are saying:

Did you miss it? Here are the lyrics:

Kind of a drag when your baby don’t love you,
Kind of a drag when you know she’s been untrue.

Oh, listen
(LISTEN TO ME WHEN I’M SPEAKIN’,'CAUSE YOU KNOW THE WORDS I’M MAKIN’)
to what I’ve gotta say;
(AND I KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN CHEATIN’, OH, I HOPE THAT WE’LL BE MEETIN’)
Girl, I still love you,
(OOH, I STILL LOVE YOU.)
I’ll always love you
(OOH, I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.)

Anyway, anyway, anyway.

Not only was the girl out seeing other dudes, but she was cheating on the guy with them. This isn’t a “I thought we were exclusive but I was wrong” scenario, this is a full out “she’s fucking everyone but me” problem. Not as uplifting as portrayed now, is it?

The fact that the guy still loves the chick even though she is getting more dick than a poor girl in Tijuana performing a dog and pony show betrays the usual instance of film playing the song as a guy deciding to forgive a girl for dating someone else. “Dating” meaning just that: going on dates, not sex, because somehow most movie’s morals haven’t updated since the 1950s.

Baby Come Back by The Equals

Most people these days probably recognize this song from those stupid mop and broom commercials. Here is a sample of the chorus just in case you don’t recognize the song from the title:

You know the song, right? Again this is another song used just like Kind of a Drag wherein a man is pondering how to win back the woman of his affections. Unlike Kind of a Drag this time it was the guy fucking everything in sight, and he is kind of a dick about it too:

Can’t understand it with the accent going on there? Don’t worry, you know I have the lyrics.

There ain’t no use in you crying
‘Cause I’m more hurt than you
I shoulda not been out flirting
But now my love is true
Ooh (all right)
Ooh (OK!)
Ooh, yeah

The guy is asking the chick to come back to him. He is also telling her to stop her crying because it hurts him more than her that she left, because you know how hard it is to get a good woman to put up with your shit? He now also knows he shouldn’t have been out there fucking around on her. But first, stop your crying woman!

Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations

Notice a trend here, reader? Most of these songs are considered oldies and are of the “guy/girl having issues with their other” genre. If you must know why it is because these are the easiest to manipulate for a movie.

This song has been in a lot of movies. It has a life cycle of about a decade. For the middle five years of a decade this song will be in just about every romantic comedy there is then disappear until the next decade begins, except in the 90′s when it was required to be in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE MADE.

The song is quite catchy.

As stated we have the penis/vagina issues going on. The penis wants to be in the vagina, but the penis finds out that a whole metric ton of other penis is in the vagina already, even though the vagina has told the penis it was the only hotdog in the hallway. The vagina also keeps making promises, like that the penis can visit the anus sometime, but never keeps them.

The telling lyric:

To you I’m a toy, but I could be the boy you adore
If you’d just let me know (Bah-dah-dah)
Although you’re untrue, I’m attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so?

In reality we have a cuckold situation going on here; the penis is actually turned on the by the denial of entry into the vagina as well as the metric ton of other penis already being in the vagina. That end scene in There’s Something About Mary just took on a whole new level of weird, didn’t it?

Spirit In The Sky by Norman Greenbaum

I wish I could find the first person to use this song in a sports movie so I could punt their balls into their eye sockets.

If you are not familiar with the name of the song here is the part you will instantly recognize:

Recognize it now? It’s from that one football movie right? You know, THAT one.

Actually, why don’t you try “just about all of them along with other sports movies too” as your answer. This song has become the de-facto “training montage” theme song for sports movies, and when not used in that context it is the “we need to get our spirits up” montage theme song. The rare occurrence is the “comeback montage” theme, which usually includes a bit of the “get our spirits up” montage thrown in for good measure.

Rarely ever is this song played with the lyrics though. This is one of those heavily edited songs used for a movie to include just the music itself. It is a rare movie that will include any of the lyrics and if they do it is usually only the first refrain. Even then it is only the first four lines:

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that’s the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky

The last line is usually the fade out point, making it hard for people to understand what is being said. During the fadeout the actors will start talking again REALLY LOUDLY so that the lyric gets drowned.

This song is different than the others on this list mainly because it has nothing to do with people cheating on each other or homosexuals in prisons. This song is completely and utterly about Jesus.

Prepare yourself you know it’s a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He’s gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That’s where you’re gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You’re gonna go to the place that’s the best

The number one song for sports movies to use when training or getting their spirits up is about getting right with Jesus so that when you die you get to go to heaven. HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE?

When reporters ask players who they thank they always thank “God” (even though I doubt even “God” can stand those vuvuzelas about now) but within the context of the films this song is used it doesn’t fit. Chances are you’re not going to die when you go out to grind your rival’s nuts into paste on the field. With the amount of times that players thank “Jesus” or “God” after each win I am pretty sure most of them have accepted him. The song is used for the bass and guitar, and that is the only reason.

To prove how inane this song is and the overuse of it in movies, play this song over any sort of sports montage. Hell, play it over any sort of action montage period where a person goes from “shit” to “master” in the span of 1:30. I have done some of the work for you. (WARNING: quick and dirty audio editing below.)

But I’m A Cheerleader is a film about a young lady who is a cheerleader sent to a “straight camp” to stop her from being a lesbian.

Conan The Barbarian is about…you know what? If you don’t who Conan is you need to get out more.

A bit scary, isn’t it?

Parting Thoughts

With the advent of better technology every day it is getting to the point that no one knows what is real anymore. Not much of a problem in movies as they are a form of escapism. They are meant to take us places we can never go, to make us feel like if we were in that situation we would do those things. I am not begrudging the use of these songs in a movie by any means (except Spirit In The Sky as that songs needs to die) but I would like to see the context of the songs used correctly. With the aforementioned Stuck In The Middle With You it was different as the song was used to illustrate and enhance a portion of the movie. It wasn’t misconstrued or edited to make it fit the movie or the tone of the scene being shown.

If you have songs you think belong to this group let me know in the comments. I would love to read it.